What Do You Want?

Hey guys! I completely forgot about this September post in my drafts! My bad. Things have been super hectic but hey, it still applies. Enjoy.

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Hello September!!!

Hello Fall, 

Hello New School Year, 

Hello Birthday!!! 

Truth be told I'm really not that excited about any of the things I listed above. It's September, which means only three more months left in this god awful year. It's almost fall, which means winter is just around the corner. It's the start of Junior year of college, which means....never mind. And my birthday is in a few weeks, which means I'll be a year older. That last one could be either good or bad depending on how you look at it. 

As mentioned, my birthday is only a few short weeks ahead and I don't know how to feel about it. I've been thinking a lot about what I want out of my life and I can't come up with anything. Simply put, 

I don't know what I want. 

I know for sure that this feeling doesn't linger only with me. A lot of us young people have felt like this at some point or the other; and as the days go by I feel like I'm under more and more pressure to figure it out. 

Where is this pressure coming from one might ask. Well, the pressure definitely comes from within. I admit that I put a lot on myself because *this* that I'm currently in, I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want the uncertainty anymore. I've mentioned in other posts that I suffer from anxiety and depression. If you go through or have ever experienced either or both, you know they are a real knockout; especially when they hit at the same damn time. I put pressure on myself to figure things out because I don't want to be in this mental rut forever. It's draining. I also think the pressure comes from feeling like I'm being 'left behind'. 

My main thing is, how does one find what they want? How do you be sure in yourself enough to follow your dreams, whatever they may be? What if you feel like you have no dreams? How do you find your purpose? Do you just settle for the BS that life throws at you because you feel you have no choice? I don't

know. 

What I do know is finding yourself is a lot harder than it seems and It's not something that's going to happen overnight, obviously. The name of this game readers, is patience. 

P. A. T. I. E. N. C. E. 

Until Next Time,

Danes.